zombie-header

As the zombie blight continues to grow and the un-dead become more and more a part of our lives, they are increasingly being seen as a legitimate target market for anything from used, ragged and loose fitting clothing to rotten meat and jugs of blood. True, this sector of the market doesn’t  have a lot of resources, but the advantage of zombie marketing is that if you can attract the attention of one zombie, a crowd will tend to follow very quickly.

Some brick and mortar shops have considered zombie buzz unwelcome and have had to recourse to cricket bats and axes to dampen zombie consumer enthusiasm. This is why a web interface is much preferable and Intuito Websites has taken the lead in this new area as the first ever Zombie Web Design Consultant.

1. When it comes to words, less is more for zombies.

If you have to  use more than three words to describe your product, it is unlikely that your product will make any impact in the zombie community. In fact, although some words, such as “the”, “yum” and “Ahhh” can be used, grunts are much more effective.

So for example, if you are promoting a zombie gathering at the local mall, you might be tempted to say something like “Come have a great time at the mall, all you zombies out there!” Our studies have found, however, that simply showing an image of the mall and overlaying it with “Graagh!”, “Mumpf”, “Awck, Awck” and other such simple vocalizations  is much more effective. Remember that zombies, since they have  severely atrophied vocal chords, can’t really pronounce very many words at all.

2. It’s the age of interactivity and zombies, like everyone else, love websites with moving parts and things to click on.

But zombie anatomy again plays a part here, in particular if you want to provide for feedback. Remember that fingers and arms which are severely affected by necrosis can’t make very subtle movements or easily select between two small buttons that are next to each other. The key is to provide very large buttons for zombie feedback. We recommend at least a 250px square. Studies have shown that anything smaller can very quickly lead to frustration on the part of the zombie which in turn leads very quickly to destruction of the terminal being used. Terminal destruction should be avoided at all cost as it represents not only the loss of the current customer but also of any subsequent zombies that may have used the terminal. Zombie terminal replacement is dangerous and expensive, although some experts have noted that terminal technicians, if infected and given that they have first installed a new terminal, will grow one’s customer base, and that terminal destruction is on the whole a net gain.

3. A question that comes up often in zombie web design is, “What about responsiveness”?

Our answer is always the same: don’t bother. Zombies don’t use devices with screens smaller than a computer monitor.  In zombie thinking (if we can call it that) anything smaller than a computer screen (iPads, Kindles, Galaxies, etc) is considered a tool for bludgeoning people or, if iPhone size, something to stomp on (not that they have shown a preference for stomping on iPhones per se), and they are therefore not allowed to use them.

4. Zombies do have money

Some people think that zombies, since they are dead, do not have any money and are therefore not worth pursuing as a market segment.

This is simply not true. When they were alive many zombies had a lot of money and many also still carry their wallets on them. Obviously the payment process must be severely simplified. Fortunately the new zombie start-up zombiePay® has provided an innovative approach to the problem and should probably be part of any zombie eCommerce site. See their website for more information. It is also worth remembering that zombies are extremely naive about pricing and will pay just about any amount of money for that pound of maggot infested meat they want, making zombie eCommerce a very lucrative sector.

Got an idea? Let’s talk!

With such recent start-ups as roadkillnow.com, tornshirt.com, zGear.com and the impending release of the extension .zombie, it’s the right time to to start a website for this growing market. The zombies are spreading now faster than ever and may soon make up most of the population of the world. Time is short. So don’t hesitate to contact Intuito Websites if you need help getting started.

Leave a Reply